Feeling Attractive?

by Nneka Kelly

Does feeling more attractive make you happier?. That’s the question posed by Gretchen over at The Happiness Project.

The “spiritually correct” answer would be no. Spiritually speaking we are in charge of our moods, right? After all, just the other day I chose to feel terrific. Truth is, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that getting my hair done or wearing a cute outfit didn’t make me (yes I did say “make me”) feel happy. Things on the outside do influence my mood. I spent a good part of a decade trying to convince myself that wasn’t true and I think it screwed me up quite a bit.

Here’s the key. While outside circumstances can influence your mood, you have the power to choose your mood by shifting your perception.

What causes you to feel attractive in the first place? Lately, I’ve been checking myself out in the mirror. I’m losing weight and my skin is glowing. When I walk out of the house no matter what I have on, I just feel radiant and beautiful. To an observer, I’m still well over 200 lbs and when I’m on my way to the park for a walk in my grungy sweats, I’m sure I don’t look attractive, but I certainly feel it. This makes a huge difference in the way people approach me. Whether or not I look attractive, when I feel attractive I get winks, comments, and smiles. It seems that even if outside circumstances can influence my mood, it still boils down to what I choose.

Truth is, you can choose at any moment how you want to feel. Have you ever had a day when everything is just humming along and you experience a blip? You’re in the zone. You feel great. Then something happens that might usually upset you. For me, it’s coming home to the television on while no one’s there. Does that one thing throw you off your game, or do you just keep on trucking? In those moments, it’s clear that I’m making a choice. I can either let the blip make me angry or I can continue to feel on top of the world.

Choices like that get more difficult when I’m in the midst of chaos and on the phone with an irate customer. That’s where being present comes in. Admittedly, when I’m caught up in a situation (fun or not) and it’s taking me for a ride, I suspend my ability to choose. The moment I realize that I’m in a play and I take the position of an observer, I can interject and alter my perception and mood.

In the end, feeling attractive is still feeling, and you’re the one with final say and veto power.

Feeling attractive today?

In Spirit,
Nneka

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Lyman Reed February 7, 2007 at 4:18 pm

I’ve spent quite a bit of time myself in denial about just how much my outer life influences my inner thinking. An easy example is if someone has posted something funny on their blog, and I leave a simple comment like “Thanks for making me smile this morning”, my brain starts beating the hell out of me, and says “You know, they didn’t make you smile, you did, jeez, when are you gonna figure that out!” It’s true, but to deny outside influences, to say “Nuh uh!” when we don’t really believe it can harm our psyche.

Thanks for another great post.

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Nneka February 7, 2007 at 11:15 pm

We walk a fine line when we start navigating the subjective reality world. I learned not to beat myself up from Cheri Huber. She’s a Buddhist monk who’s really light hearted. Thing is any judging is judging, even when we’re judging ourselves. We could just go with the flow. I’ve learned it’s not that bad. Now, I wish I could remember that when I’m spazzing about not having the “perfect” meditation ;-)

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Belle February 13, 2007 at 2:54 am

For me, the connection between feeling attractive and happiness is like a “pleasant” circle, because when I’m happy, I’m feeling radiant and connected, and yes, definitely attractive. And when I’m feeling attractive, I’m feeling radiant and connected, and definitely happy.

Which comes first? I think it’s that feeling of being connected, actually.

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