I used to meditate in the morning, go out into the world and blow my calm by 10am. I would start undoing any positive thinking or reconnecting I had done in my 30 minutes of meditation with complaints and sarcasm. The complaints and sarcasm would spiral into angry, resentful thoughts. They would just feed of each other all day long until the next morning at meditation.
After a while I discovered positive speaking. Positive thinking is a pillar of personal development. However, I submit that it is 1000 times more difficult to manage your thoughts than it is to manage your speech. I started to watch what I said in order to maintain my mental state of peace and harmony. I adopted a teaching that my grandmother tried to instill: If I had nothing good to say, I said nothing.
At first, I felt stiffled throughout the day. An odd thing happened after a while, the seemingly ceaseless chatter began to slow down. It had no outlet for its judgemental, critical voice. It became quieter and quieter. I didn’t even feel like it was suppressed. I felt as though it left the building. It was silenced. It just realized that it no longer had a place.
Now that was only towards other people, but we are all one. The departure of my critic freed me up to try new things and not be perfect. Positive speaking led to positive thinking. It opened the space up for a more positive internal dialog. I am able to hold my meditative peace for later into the day.
Today my day is structured with meditation and walks that help me to maintain my mental state of peace and calm. However, this method of speaking positively was extremely effective in helping me to maintain that state when I couldn’t take a walk. It continues to serve me well today as I move in the world speaking fewer words of complaint, sarcasm, and judgement. I add to the conversation and I am a part of solutions.
I invite you to try this out for about 3 weeks. It takes about 10 days for the chatter to realize that it’s not going to get an out.
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I have had the exact same experience!
I used to be a highly critical person, very good at finding fault with everything and everybody.
A few years ago, I made a conscious decision to change that (very much inspired by the Appreciative Inquiry method) and have had very much the same experience you did.
When I started my blog I did the same, and only write about positive things. It’s not like the internet needs more rants anyway
)
Alexander, I love your site.
Recently I’ve been hearing more and more about appreciative inquiry in my real and virtual life. Could you recommend some reading on it? I’ll scour the web as well. I think when something is brought to my attention more than 3 times it’s an indication that I need to look into it further.
Cheers,
Nneka
Yes, I love this approach!
I’m always surprised to see how quickly it can affect others, too. If you’re not constantly reciprocating other people in negativity, their fire burns out. Remarkable.
Jason, thanks for stopping by.
Yes, that is a great side effect. It also subtly ends some relationships that weren’t that positive to begin with. You just run out of things to talk about in a non-confrontational way.
I realized after I did this for a while that if I felt like getting into a negative conversation it was because I was trying to be liked. So it helped to reveal the root fear. Once I got over that it became so much easier.
Cheers,
Nneka
I’m glad you like the blog
)
AI is a great, great tool and it sounds like the world is putting some pressure on you to check it out.
Here are a few places to start:
http://positivesharing.com/2004/12/book-review-appreciative-inquiry-handbook
http://positivesharing.com/2005/02/constructivism/
http://positivesharing.com/2005/11/already-thereness/
Cheers
Alex
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